


infinite

by wispmother



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, Sad Fluff, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 02:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1452751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wispmother/pseuds/wispmother
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" She would never get used to him like this – her fault, entirely, because she  made the mistake of forgetting to remember he was human, even if he knew how to mask his feelings better than anyone else she knew. She took a few more steps, finally stopping when she was right behind the chair, right behind Levi. The man still hadn't moved, was still staring intently at the patch on the window sill. After a long moment it slipped, falling flat onto the little wooden ledge, and Levi sat upright, his gaze far away.</p>
<p>“Why do we feel regret?” "</p>
            </blockquote>





	infinite

**Author's Note:**

> i also cross-posted this to my tumblr (zombiekisses), so if you for some reason you see it there as well.... that's why?

When she walked into the room, Levi was sitting in a chair he'd pulled over to a window, the rain and mist outside obscuring any sort of view, save for the little rivers that flowed down the windowpanes. He had a foot propped against the window sill, his arm resting against his knee, extending out to hold something small in front of him. Hanji knew what he was holding in his hand, she didn't have to guess at it anymore. She sighed just loud enough and shifted her weight, making her presence known in little ways, in case the captain hadn't noticed that she'd come in.

“What did you need?” he asked quietly, not turning around. She never really could get used to him not sounding brusque, not throwing around the vocabulary from the underground he could never drop. He'd been sitting by himself for too long, probably.

“I just came to check on you. I hadn't seen you at lunch.”

Levi pushed himself back from the window a bit, bringing his leg down and leaning forward to set the little patch with blue and white wings on it against the glass. He stayed forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands folded in front of his face. Hanji took a few steps closer to the man, waiting for him to make another move. She would never get used to him like this – her fault, entirely, because she made the mistake of forgetting to remember he was human, even if he knew how to mask his feelings better than anyone else she knew. She took a few more steps, finally stopping when she was right behind the chair, right behind Levi. The man still hadn't moved, was still staring intently at the patch on the window sill. After a long moment it slipped, falling flat onto the little wooden ledge, and Levi sat upright, his gaze far away.

“Why do we feel regret?”

Hanji cocked her head, wondering if he meant for her to answer of if she should stay quiet. Her unasked question was answered when the man spoke again.

“Are we trying to teach ourselves something, so if we're ever presented with a similar situation we can act differently? Is it a selfish thing, because we weren't able to use all of the choices we had offered to us, or a punishment because we realize too late that we made the wrong choice?” Levi finally turned to look back at Hanji. He looked so tired, exhausted even, and Hanji had half a mind to try and make him get some sleep, even though she knew sleep wouldn't help him right now. 

“It doesn't help to ask yourself these things now, Captain.” Hanji whispered, just loud enough that she knew Levi could hear. She moved around the chair and leaned against the window, glancing down at the patch that was now next to her. “Because if you do, all you'll have is the regret, and that'd be doing her a disservice.”

“If I don't feel regret, if that doesn't fill my heart, then what should I let take it's place?” Levi asked, his voice low but regaining it's usual cadence. Hanji's gaze dropped to the floor, and she shrugged.

“Anything, really. Anger that she died the way she did, shame because you didn't recognize her feelings, sadness because she can't ever tell you those things herself.”

Levi ducked his head, running a hand through his hair before leaning forward as he had been before. Hanji slid down the wall so she was sitting on the floor, her knees pulled close to her chest.

“...Love, because that's what she deserves.”  
“So I can let it wither and die there, so it can rot and eat away at me?” Levi's voice was tight and so, so unlike him. He was still pitched forward, but now his hands were palms up, and Hanji knew he could see her blood on them. She frowned, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“Hearts aren't finite boxes, Levi. They aren't something that you can shove under your bed and forget about. They grow. They learn and they adapt. If all you fill it with is regret and anger and sadness, it'll grow larger and larger so it can fit more of that into itself.”

Levi glanced down at Hanji, his brow furrowed slightly. Hanji only smiled gently back at him. 

“If you can fill it with love, with hope, with resolve... then it'll grow larger for those things instead.”

“But what happens to what was there first? It gets pushed aside to make room for the new, forgotten over time and neglected until they don't matter anymore?”

“Weren't you listening, Levi?” Hanji said, her smile turning incredulous. “Your heart is infinite. The things that were there first will always be there, and they're just as important as the new things. You just learn to find a balance between the two, to make them both important.”

There was a long silence, filled by the sound of rain still beating against the window. Finally, Levi stood up, taking the patch off of the ledge.

“You should have spoken with her more. She would have liked how sentimental you can be.” He slipped the patch into his pocket before offering a hand to Hanji, helping her off the floor. “I'm going for some tea, if you wanted to join me.”

“I'd be glad to, Captain.” 

Hanji followed Levi out of the room, leaving the sound of rain on glass behind.


End file.
